This is something I really need to work on this year. Procrastination. Time management. I've really done very little today - did a little mending and cut out a dress, not exactly a full day's productive labour - yet somehow the whole day's gone by and I'm throwing this together at bedtime.
It's ridiculous, because I do genuinely enjoy writing and have been looking forward to the month of poetry. So why am I treating this like some sort of nasty chore to put off?
Partially, because it involves using my brain, and it's much easier to just flake out in front of a screen and not have to think so hard.
Also, because unpleasant inner truths have a horrible habit of bubbling up when I write poetry, things I'm not ready to face yet. Or just don't want to face - because it involves thinking!
Haven't got time
Dirty dishes in the kitchen
grotty teabags in the sink
a pile of unread papers
and I just don't want to think.
There's dust on my guitar
and my novel is unwritten
and I need to fix a broken chair
but these thoughts swill back unbidden.
I'm so sick of being useless,
Always struggling, always late
never up to standard
feeling like I've let down fate
Like I could have been so awesome
but no potential's realised
because the pressure to be perfect
has left my paralysed
I'd rather just do nothing
than try, and get it wrong
it's why I never worked with oils,
wrote a book, composed a song.
If another person wrote this
I'd tell them just to let it be,
to have fun and not to worry....
but it's different when it's me.
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